My 4 years of high school was coming to an end and in my hands I was holding the results of 4 very troubled years.  It wasn’t a large manila folder with an acceptance letter to some big University; No instead it was a letter from a 2-year Junior College denying my college application into their school.  I had messed up so bad in high school I couldn’t even get accepted to a small Junior College.  What the hell was I supposed to do now!  All my friends, even the dumb ones, were going off to college.  And worst of all, my girlfriend who I had been dating for 8 months was heading off to college too.  We had just got through making all these plans for me to attend a Junior College 20 minutes down the road from the University she was at; now everything is ruined.

I remember gripping that letter of denial and squeezing it as if I was trying to take its life away.  I wish it did have life, so I could make it feel what it made me feel.  I was hurt, embarrassed and once again lost.  I remember thinking, here it comes again David; that unbearable wave of pain, heartache and disappointment.  There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t go back in time and fix my mistakes or get better grades. This was something I was going to have to live with and accept the consequences.

I would have to say goodbye to all my friends and my girlfriend as they went off to college and started new lives.  I had the typical moment of self pity and cried violently as if I was the victim for my lazy behavior in school, which held me back from getting the grades I needed to get into college.  I was 18 years old and I was still blaming others for the reason why I wasn’t succeeding.  I had a tendency of targeting the ones closest to me.  If it wasn’t my mom, it was my dad.  If it wasn’t my girlfriend, it was my best friend.  If it wasn’t my teacher, it was my coach.  I had been blaming others my entire life for the reasons why I couldn’t succeed; mainly because I was so afraid to try and fail.  I had become so afraid of failure that I found reason in not trying, which almost-always led to failing.  Would seeing my best friends and girlfriend head off to college finally be the straw that broke the camels back?  Would I finally stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for my actions or lack there of.

I can honestly say that this moment was not that moment in my life where I stopped blaming others for my problems; but it was in this moment that I grew up a little bit.  I took my fathers advice: “Son, you need to get in, where you fit in.”  He wasn’t talking about my personality when he said that, he was talking about my grades.  And the only place that I could get in, where my grades fit in was a local Community College.

This was actually a blessing in disguise. The Community College had a south campus only 30 minutes from the University my girlfriend was attending.  The new plan was to work all Summer and save up to get an apartment close to her; and since all my friends were gone, I wouldn’t have any distractions during the school year.  If I could somehow just maintain a 3.5 GPA for two semesters, I could then transfer into the same University as my girlfriend.

I knew it would be an absolute long shot for that to happen.  I barely graduated high school and now I needed to maintain a 3.5 GPA in college; how in the heck was I going to do that?

It was then that I decided I wasn’t going to be afraid anymore and all I could do was try my best.  Whether I succeeded or failed to receive a 3.5 GPA, I was determined to give it my all and try my best.  It’s funny how usually that’s all a person ever really needs to do; just try their best.  That’s exactly what I did for those two semesters at that Community College and by the end of the 2^nd semester I ended my Freshman year with a 3.8 GPA and a large manila folder holding an acceptance letter to the University of my choice.